The grocery store, the freeway, Ikea, and the likes of any of these places cause anxiety. I can be feeling fairly well before I head to the grocery store, but then I get in my car and there are immediate issues with people driving. Seriously there shouldn’t even be a speed limit, because no one follows this law. I just need to get to the grocery store to get a bottle of wine and I can’t even do this without people making me anxious and angry.

In the grocery store I’m already feeling heightened anxiety and I’m angry from the drivers on the road and in the parking lot! I know exactly where I need to go, but it’s 1:00 PM and every senior citizen in the county is doing their grocery shopping. As I zig-zag though the crowd of seniors a grocery store employee pulls in front of me with a hand cart full of eggs! Why? I just need to get to the wine and then the cheese and then the crackers. I personally believe that all three of these items should be on the same aisle and perhaps include grapes.

Finally I arrive in the wine section. It’s a pretty big section at my grocery store. I appreciate Hyvee for having such a wide array of choices for me to choose from. They know how to stock their wine section. From Moscato to Merlot, they have it all plus some. I usually go for a nice semi sweet wine, perhaps Riesling or Pinot Grigio, but some days I just go for what ever is 14% or higher alcohol. Depends on my level of anxiety, I just need to lower my inhibitions at this point.

I head over to the cheese, because everyone knows you need to have something to eat with your wine and you don’t want a huge meal, so cheese it is! Again with the seniors pushing their cart slowly, stopping to chat with their neighbor who they just saw an hour ago and had coffee with this morning.  Finally I get to the cheese aisle and yes there he is, the hand cart guy with the eggs. Why do they have to stock in the middle of the day? They are open 24 hours a day! I just need cheese! I feel tears welling in my eyes, I’m overwhelmed and just grab the cheese without looking and go.

I decide I am not going to brave the cracker aisle, I just can’t handle it at this point. I still have to pay.  I make it up front, I give the woman checker my wine and cheese to ring up and she asks if I want plastic, “No thank you I would like paper please.” So she puts my wine and cheese in a paper wine bag. So I look like a wino on the corner with a bottle in a bag walking out of the store.

Finally on my way home. I just can’t wait to get home. I feel like I should never leave the house. I hit every red light. And then it happens, lightning, rain, hail. As much as I want to open that bottle of wine right now, I don’t have a cork screw! No really I wouldn’t do that, but if I was stuck on the road due to inclement weather it may be necessary. A panic attack is starting to show it’s nasty self and I have to pull over.  I try box breathing, I roll the windows down in the crazy down pouring rain and I finally have to take an Ativan. After about 15 minutes the panic attack has calmed I feel well enough to drive home.

This trip was pointless! I had to take the Ativan, which you can’t take with wine, so now I can’t drink my wine! The life in which anxiety and panic rule. I think the answer to this is a wine delivery service in my geographic area.



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