Life isn’t easy. There are bills to pay, people to please, kids to raise, meals to make…Wait did I actually say people to please? Because in reality the only person you should be pleasing is yourself. Without a happy healthy you, others don’t get the care they need. Caring for you is imperative. Calling all moms!!
Remember those days when you were a kid and all you did was play, have fun and do what your parents asked? Well those days ended for me a long time ago. In the years to follow all I wanted to do was make sure everyone was happy. No one was angry with me. I made dinner, I changed diapers, I cleaned the house, I worked, I went to school and all of this was not necessarily for me. It was for all the others that just let me do it. No one ever asked me if I wanted help. Everyone must have assumed that I was happy being the “all in one mom, wife and friend”.
It took years to realize that all of the things I did for everyone else wasn’t being returned in kindness or love. It was taken for granted. Kids screaming about what they want and when they want it. I thought I did a pretty good job at parenting, but I would have been a better parent if I had forced my children to do their chores. I wouldn’t have had to fight the messy grown men I have today. Although they do not live with me any longer, they come over and leave a mess for me to clean up. I find myself angry and anxious. I find myself crying because I feel I could have done better.
Let me throw this out there, my kids aren’t terrible by any means, but there are things they do that drive me absolutely insane! Those are the things that make me think I was a bad parent.
My oldest son was addicted to drugs, he is an addict. His father and I didn’t do drugs, but somehow my son became addicted. It started when he was 18. He recently decided at 26 that he had enough and needed to get his life in order. He went to rehab, this was the 3rd time for rehab. But this time it was different. I played the tough love card. I told him he couldn’t come stay with us after rehab. He needed to figure it out. He needed to take care of himself. Guess what, he called Artist’s Helping the Homeless and was able to get into a sober living house. He now has a good job, he is still at the sober living house. He is working the AA program. He has a sponsor and I couldn’t be more proud. I couldn’t continue to enable him to keep going round and round in the same circle, he needed a round about and needed some choices as to which direction he was going to take.
It’s things like this that didn’t help my anxiety or depression. The last five years I felt myself going deeper and deeper into this abyss. It was dark and slippery and I couldn’t pull myself out. I don’t think that kids, even grown kids understand the stress they cause their parents. It takes me becoming a crazed maniac for them to listen. I have to look like a mad woman coming at them with a broom to get a response. Why in the world would you want a mad woman with a broom charging you? Why wouldn’t you just do the dishes after the 9th time she asked? Or maybe even better the first time she asked! In all seriousness, laughing makes me feel better. Finding the funny in the bad days, I know sounds terrible right? No.
I have to say, husbands are just as bad. Why does it take 6 months to get a door put on the bedroom? Yes, last year we rehabbed a little shack in 3 months. It was crazy! Why do I do this to myself? I asked him after we moved in to get the bedroom door installed. Literally, he was mad because there is no hanky, panky going on! We have kids coming into and out of our house on a regular. I NEED A BEDROOM DOOR! You want some, do the work to get some! I’ve been living with all these men with no common sense. What did I do wrong with my kids? Where is the common sense? I believe that these male beings were born without the common sense circuit. This circuit is obviously missing on my husbands side of the family and now my boys are missing the circuit. When the circuit is missing there is nothing you as a mom can do except pour a glass of wine and watch the chaos ensue.
So when all else fails, circuits included, it isn’t your fault, you’re just a mom. Mom’s with expectations are the best moms out there. Keep up the good work moms and remember you weren’t crazy before the kids and husband, they created the mom monster!
Take care moms, run that bath, light those candles, pour that wine (bring the bottle into the bathroom) and lock that door!